XBox Live
by denise-thusfar
Summary: Ron and Harry get Hermione an XBox360 for her birthday. After a weird accident, land in the middle of a battle between red and blue clad spartans.
1. Teh XBox360

best halo pick-up lines mixed with harry potter:

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_At the Granger's House_

Mr. and Mrs. Granger lit the candles on Hermione's birthday cake. Ron had his arms wrapped around Hermione and Harry grinned at her while they all sang. As the song came to an end, she shut her eyes and made her wish.

"Happy eighteenth birthday, Hermione!" Mr. and Mrs. Granger, Harry, and Ron exclaimed as Hermione bent over her cake and blew out the candles. She beamed brightly as her parents hugged her and scuttled back to the kitchen to retrieve the plates and utencils.

"All right, 'Mione, the big one-eight. How's it feel?" Harry asked as he pulled her into a tight hug.

"It doesn't feel any different, Harry," she said. She took the knife and cut the cake. Ron gave her a quick kiss, grabbed one of the pieces of cake, and stuffed the whole thing in his mouth.

" Aw wuff 'ou, 'mione," he managed to say. Hermione scrunched up her nose and covered Ron's open mouth with her hand.

"Don't do that, you pig. Oh, I love you too." She wiped stray icing away from his chin and wiped it on a paper towel. She walked into the kitchen and helped her mom and dad get everything. After everybody got a plate of cake, Hermione ran to the living room where there was a pile of presents sitting on the couch.

"Presents!" she cried in a sing-song voice. She sat herself down on the floor and grabbed the nearest box. Ron and Harry followed her and sat down on the other sofa.

" All righty then," she muttered as she tore off the wrapping off the first present. "No way," she gasped. Ron and Harry smirked at her.

"You guys got me an X-Box 360?! How did you know I wanted one of these?"

" We asked your parents, love, and they told us about your trip to America with your cousin. They said you had a blast with this thing," Ron told her.

"Oh, you guys," she cried. She gave Harry a big hug and Ron a kiss. She opened everything else and got a headset with a microphone, Halo 3, and X-Box live.

" Where did you get these things?"

"Ron and I went to Wal-Mart," Harry simply said.

-----------------------------------2 days later

"You can't dual wield those! That's such an unfair advantage!" Harry exclaimed as Hermione shot him with two fully charged plasma pistols.

" It's not my fault that the best weapons you can find are magnums. Try looking harder, there's loads of better weapons hidden around," she explained to him.

"Yes! I found a shotgun! Haha, you're so dead now, 'Mione. This is payba- huh? What the? RON, YOU ARSE!" Harry yelled.

"I can't believe you didn't see me, Harry. You're radar is on and everything. You know that getting meleed from behind is an automatic kill," Ron explained laughing, "Now I got the shotgun."

"Not for long," Hermione muttered. She tried meleeing him from behind, but he turned around and shot her. Her shields were down. Ron shot again, but Hermione jumped over him and shot him with the plasma pistol. Now his shields were down. He meleed her, but since her shields were regaining power, she didn't die. She jumped and meleed him from the air.

"Game over," the cool guy's voice said as the score board appeared.

" Yes!" Hermione jumped up, her fist raised high, " I beat you guys. Again."

Ron set the controller down and lied back on the bed. Harry Set up X-Box live and decided to play with other people using Hermione's profile.

"That's enough for me," Hermione said, "I need to finish my book." She slipped out her wand. "Accio _Hogwarts: A History_." The book flew into the room and Hermione curled up on her bed, opened the book, and got lost in it. Ron rested his head on her lap and fell asleep.

Harry placed the headset on his head and positioned the microphone. " Who's up for sniping?" He said quietly. He chose the map "coagulation". A guy named "kiddxkrazy" had chosen to be on his side and a guy named "caboose415" and a girl named "Tex90" teamed up against him.

" Okay, baby, let's get these beezies," kiddxkrazy told Harry. Harry stared at the spartan on the screen incredulously, about to shout at him for calling him baby, but he remembered he was using Hermine's profile." Okay," Harry said in a high pitched voice. Harry set his sniper gun and aimed. He shot twice, and got caboose in the chest. Both Caboose and Tex jumped off the roof of their base and tried to get to the cave, jumping constantly to avoid getting shot. kiddxkrazy sniped both of the enemies in the head and they both died.

" You impressed, baby?"

Harry was indeed impressed. " Uh-huh."

"You are impressed with how I handle my sniper? You should see what I can do with the weapon I pack under my armor," he said seductively.

Harry choked on his spit and fell back.


	2. Why Are We Here?

haha

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" Ronald Weasely! Get off your arse and help me clean this up!" Hermione screamed into Ron's ear. Harry woke up with a start and looked around. Ron had made a huge mess. There were two empty potatoe chip bags on the floor and there were chips strewn everywhere along the floor. Several empty and crushed soda cans lay in a pile next to the X Box 360.

" What? It isn't that messy," Ron said. He picked up a bag and threw it in the wastebin. Harry got up and helped.

" I can't even imagine what your room looks like right now if you think this isn't messy," he said. Hermione made the bed and rolled up the sleeping bags.

" Where's the other wireless controller?" She asked. Harry Looked at the X Box. It was still on and one of the controllers lay next to it. Harry remembered that he was playing X Box live last night. He shuddered at the thought of kiddxkrazy. That guy spent all night listening to him flirt.

" I guess I fell asleep while playing," he told her. He looked around for the other controller. After ten minutes of searching Hermione's room, they gave up.

" Damn wireless controllers. Their so... wireless. Didn't Microsoft ever think that they could be lost so easily if they're wireless?" Ron said grumpily.

" Wait, I'm a wizard!" He exclaimed suddenly, grinning. He slipped out his wand from his pocket and muttered, "Accio wireless controller!"

Hermione stood at the door and saw a controller flying at her from the bathroom.

" What the hell?" She asked.

" Oh, yeah. I took it to the bathroom with me last night," Harry said.

" Please tell me you washed your hands," Hermione cried.

Ron sniggered and Harry glared at him and said, " Of course I did."

"Good," she said. She gave him a bit of a skeptic look before wiping the controller with the end of her shirt. Ron sat down and leaned against the bed, grabbing a bag of chips and stuffing a handful in his mouth.

" Ron, help us clean!" Hermione yelled as she tried to pull Ron up. Ron put the bag of chips down and glared at Hermione.

"Why should I? I wasn't the one who made the mess?"

" What?! You were the only one eating last night!"

" That's a lie!" Ron retorted. Harry stuffed some soda cans into a trash bags and rolled his eyes at his friends.

"It is not! Harry was playing X Box and I was reading. You were the one who was stuffing your fat-arse mouth and making a mess of everything!"

"Who you calling a fat-arse?! If I'm not mistaken, it was you who shoved three slices of cheese cake two days ago?"

Harry gasped and put a hand over his mouth. ' Oh, hell no,' he thought. Hermione looked at Ron with fire in her eyes. And it wasn't the good, I'm-about-to-get-laid, kind of fire. It was the I'm-about-to-get-my-arse-ripped-apart fire. Hermione took her wand and raised it. Harry thought she was going to hex him, but she ended up just wacking Ron with the magic stick.

"RONALD WEASLEY, YOU COMPLETE ARSE! I WAS PMSING. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW STRESSFUL IT IS TO BE BLEEDING ALL THE TIME DOWN THERE? AND ALWAYS HAVING CRAMPS AND NOT EVEN BEING ABLE TO SIT DOWN BECAUSE YOU'RE AFRAID THAT ALL THE BLOOD WILL JUST SPLURGE OUT AND YOU'LL LEAK THROUGH YOUR PANTS AND YOU HAVE NO CHOICE, BUT TO HIDE YOUR BACKSIDE FOR THE ENTIRE DAY?! AND HAVING WEIRD HUNGER PAINS AND EATING LIKE A PIG AND CRYING AFTERWARDS BECAUSE YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO FIT INTO THOSE HOT PANTS THE NEXT DAY?!"

Harry could have sworn that he threw up a little in his mouth. Ron looked as sick as Harry was. Hermione continue hitting Ron with her wand, but Ron caught the wand. They all heard a loud crack, and Ron held up the wand and they all realized that it broke in half.

"OH, MY EFFING GOD!" Hermione cried. She was about to slap Ron, but she was stopped when a bright, white light started enmating from the wand. Ron dropped the wand immediately and pulled Hermione with him away from the wand. Harry soon followed suit because they all felt that the light was sucking them in. Soon, the light became bigger like some kind of portal, and Ron, Harry and Hermione were holding on to the doorframe as if their lives depended on it. The light was sucking them in with such force. Hermione couldn't hold on any longer, and she let go. She was sucked into the bright light.

" HERMIONE!" Ron yelled. He let go of the doorframe and went after her. Harry shook his head.

" Oh, shit," he muttered before letting go. He was immediately flying twords the portal, but his foot caught on one of the X Box wires and the X Box was pulled along with him.

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Ron landed on cold, hard concrete more gently then he expected. He got up and looked around. He saw Harry with his wand lit up searching around too.

"Harry! Where are we? And Where's Hermione?" He asked urgently.

" I'm afraid I can't answer any of those questions, Ron."

Ron nodded grimly and lit his own wand. They were in a small, gray room that had a ramp going down and a ramp going up. He saw a strange looking plasma portal that looked exactly like the one that they saw in Hermione's room.

" Let's go up this ramp, Ron. I can see some sky through there."

Ron nodded and they both made their way up the ramp gently.

" Wait," Harry whispered. He grabbed Ron's sleeve. " I can hear people."

They both looked peeped there heads out carefully and saw two figures standing on the edge of the roof of the building they were in. One of them was wearing dark, red armor from head to toe and had a visor pulled down to cover his eyes. The other was wearing the same thing, except the color was a light orange. They were both holding large guns and looked as if they were guarding something. They looked like spartans from Halo. They noticed their surroundings also. They were in a canyon. They saw nothing, but rocks, green grass, and bright blue sky.

"Do you ever wonder why we're here?" The red one asked the orange one.

"That's one of life's great mysteries, isn't it? Why are we here? I mean, are we the product of... some coincidence, or is there really a god watching everything, you know, with a plan for us and stuff. I don't know, man. It keeps me up at night.

There was a moment of silence where the two just stared at each other. Finally, The red one asked, "What? I meant why are we out here, on this canyon."

" Oh, I...uh...yeah," the orange one said.

" What was all that stuff about God?"

"Uuh. Hm. Nothing," The Orange one replied quickly.

" You wanna talk about it?"

" Nope."

" You sure?"

" Yeap."

" Seriously though. Why are we out here? As far as I can tell, it's just a box canyon in the middle of nowhere. No way in or out," the red one said.

" Uh-huh," the orange one replied.

"The only reason that we set up a red base here, is because they have a blue base over there. And the only reason they have a blue base over there, is because we have a red base over here."

Harry and Ron stood up a little higher and saw a similar looking building on the other side of the canyon.

" Maybe Hermione's over there," Harry whispered to Ron. He nodded and they both turned back to look at the two figures.

"Yeah. That's because we're fighting each other," the orange one said simply.

" No, I mean, even if we were to pull out today, and they were to come take our base, then they would have two bases in the middle of a boxed canyon. Whoop-dee-fucking-doo," the red one explained.

The orange one nodded. " What's up with that anyway? I mean, I signed on to fight some aliens and next thing I know, Master Chief blows up the whole Covenant Armada and I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere. Fighting a bunch of blue guys."

Harry and Ron turn to each other with confused faces. These guys are spartans. Obviously. Masterchief deafeats the Covenant? They wouldn't know. They were still playing Halo one before they played 2 and 3.

" Talk about waste of resources.I mean, we should be out there fighting intellegent forms of life. You, know. fight them." The orange on said.

" Yeah, no shit.That's why they should put us in charge." The red one replied.

" Hey, front and center on the double," a new, raspy voice came from below the roof.

" Yes, sir," the two spartans said. They were making their way towards the ramp.

" They're coming this way," Ron whispered frantically. Harry nodded. The two wizards tried to look for cover, but there was nothing in the room to hide behind. So they just backed up against the wall with their wands out. Heavy footsteps came closerand soon, the two spartans were in view.

" I wonder what the blues are up to- WHAT THE HELL?!"

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Episode one of RVB. I only took the lines from there, because the spartans didn't know Harry and Ron were there, so the storyline wasn't altered yet.

okay. bye

-nisha.


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